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Greetings everyone,

The coupe in question is a 2008 Audi A5 3.0 TDI Sport Quattro.
I have been sick recently and will be unable to drive frequently for some time.

By the time I could, the battery had died and the vehicle still wouldn't start. After purchasing a smart battery charger, I left it turned on for a full day. I was able to charge the battery to 13.6V.
After that, the engine started up without a hitch, but a series of warnings sprang up on the dashboard, describing issues with the exterior lighting, the headlights staying on no matter where the switch is, the mmi/satnav screen remaining in the "dark" nighttime mode at all times, and the wipers not working in any position but the spray jets.
Everything else is working properly.
Is anyone aware of the possible causes or solutions to this? Could you please help?
My lack of expertise in this area is my apologies if I have posted in the incorrect section of the forum.

Get it scanned using VCDs or Carista and remove all the codes first, in my opinion. The problem might be fixed. If that isn't the case, the codes should return with instructions.

Please investigate this; I appreciate your assistance.

Yes, my friend, you absolutely require a replacement 12V batteries. The vehicle will disable certain features that aren't absolutely necessary as soon as they are low. Skip the charge and get a new, high-quality one instead, like a Bosch, Yuasa, or Varta.

Please tell me that I would be back where I started if I replaced the battery and it died again. I appreciate your response.

To be more specific, why would a brand-new battery suddenly stop working?

Since I've been sick for the better part of a year, I haven't had much use for my automobile, and that's what occurred with this one.

Okay, I admit it. I gebbit. Any battery will eventually die if left out for months. I would recommend getting the vehicle coded before installing a new 12v.